v6 Dear Working Moms: You’re Doing Better Than You Think

Recently, I had conversations with a group of powerhouse working moms—women who, on paper, were thriving. High performers, climbing the ranks, making an impact. But as the conversation unfolded, a different reality surfaced. One mom described how her days ran from 5 AM to 10 PM without a single pause. Another shared the sharp pang of guilt after a fulfilling day at work, realizing it came at the cost of missing bedtime stories. It seems no matter how much we achieve, there’s always that lingering question: Are we missing out on the moments that actually matter?

The Goodie Bags, The Picture Day, and The Never-Ending Pressure to “Do More”

For me, it often shows up in the small moments. Like birthday goodie bags. Every month, I watch other moms effortlessly create these adorable, Pinterest-worthy gift bags for the whole class. I feel that familiar weight—one more thing to add to my already never-ending to-do list—creating great gift bags for my kids' birthdays. It’s not just about the goodie bags. It’s about the constant feeling that I should be doing more. More for work, more for my kids, more for everything. And somehow, I always feel like I’m falling short.

Then there are moments that hit harder. Like the time I completely forgot picture day. My daughter came home, confused, asking why I hadn’t dressed her up like the other kids. “All my friends had dresses on, and they asked where my dress was,” she said. And just like that, the mom guilt hit like a ton of bricks.

I braced myself when the pictures arrived, expecting a visual reminder of my failure. But when I opened the online gallery, I saw something completely unexpected. My daughter, grinning proudly, wearing her astronaut t-shirt: STEM-themed, confident, and uniquely her. It was a small but powerful reminder: Maybe I don’t have to do everything the way other moms do. Maybe the things I do give my daughter—like a sense of individuality—matter just as much.

What If We Stopped Expecting Moms to Do It All?

Here’s what frustrates me the most: The moment you become a mom, society expects you to let go of your ambitions, dreams, and the identity you spent decades building. Suddenly, the expectation is that your children come first, always—at the expense of everything else. But what if we challenged that narrative? What if, instead of erasing ourselves, we showed our kids what it looks like to pursue dreams and be present? What if we stopped expecting moms to do it all and started demanding workplaces, schools, and communities that actually support us more?

Reframing the Guilt: What Kids Actually Remember

At the end of the day, I remind myself: My kids won’t remember whether I sent them to school with themed costumes or a last-minute granola bar. They won’t remember whether I wrapped Pinterest-worthy gifts for every classmate on their birthdays. But they will remember how I made them feel. The bedtime snuggles. The silly jokes. The way I show up consistently, even if it’s not perfect.

And maybe, just maybe, they’ll remember that their mom chased big dreams—and that they can too.

Small Shifts That Help Me Let Go of Guilt (And Might Help You Too)

Knowing that other moms feel this same guilt helps, but what’s helped me even more is learning to be intentional about managing my energy and time with my kids. Here are three small but powerful shifts that have made a difference for me.

1️⃣ Visualizing My Energy Tank & Refilling It Before Pick-Up

For the longest time, I thought my morning workout was enough to “fill my cup” for the day. But by the time I picked up my kids after work, I’d already burned through most of my energy. I found myself going through the motions—dinner, chores, bedtime—without actually being present with them. A few months ago, I had a realization: I can’t expect to pour water into my kids if my own tank is running empty.

Now, I make a conscious effort to refill my tank before pick-up—even if it’s just 10 minutes of listening to a favorite audiobook, stepping outside for fresh air, or having a quick, grounding conversation with my husband. Just like a car can’t run on fumes, we can’t give our best to our kids if we’re completely depleted. 

2️⃣ Letting Go of Unrealistic Expectations (Especially Around Dinner & Chores)

For the longest time, I believed that after picking up the kids, I needed to power through—making a home-cooked meal, tidying up, getting everything in order. But some days, especially when both my husband and I work in the office, we’ve learned that the best decision is to let it go.

Instead of rushing home to cook, we take the kids out for dinner and actually enjoy the meal together without the stress of cleaning up. Sometimes, we even stop by the playground just to chat with other parents while the kids run around. Those moments—of connection, of slowing down—matter more than a perfectly home-cooked meal.

There’s a well-known productivity concept Eisenhower Matrix (aka Urgent-Important Matrix) that applies here: Decide what to do, what to delegate, what to defer, and what to eliminate. Working moms can’t do everything—and we shouldn’t have to. Instead of trying to do it all, I now ask myself:

✔️ What’s worth my time and energy today?

✔️ What can I let go of?

✔️ What actually brings joy to my family?

Letting go of some expectations doesn’t mean we’re failing. It means we’re choosing what truly matters.

3️⃣ Prioritizing 45 Minutes of Quality Time Over Trying to “Be There” for Everything

A friend recently shared his New Year’s resolution: to spend 45 minutes of uninterrupted quality time with his kids every morning from 7:00 AM to 7:45 AM. It struck me because it’s not about more time—it’s about more intentional time.

It’s easy to fall into the trap of thinking we need to be at every school event, every activity, every single moment. But what kids actually crave isn’t our constant presence—it’s our meaningful presence. Instead of feeling guilty about missing a class performance, I now focus on the moments we create daily—whether it’s reading together at bedtime, laughing over breakfast, or a quick snuggle before heading out the door.

Because when we consistently show up in a way that matters, we won’t wake up one day, staring at our grown-up kids, wishing we had.

You’re Doing Better Than You Think

So, dear working moms, if you’re feeling guilty, stretched thin, or convinced you’re falling short—take a breath. Your kids won’t remember the missed picture days or the store-bought cupcakes. They’ll remember how you made them feel, the small moments of connection, and the way you loved them imperfectly but wholeheartedly. At the end of the day, we’re all figuring this out together. The guilt might never fully disappear, but what if, instead of carrying it alone, we shared our struggles more openly? What if we lifted each other up, reminded each other that we’re doing enough, and focused on what truly matters?

You’re doing better than you think. And you are not alone. If this resonates with you, forward it to a fellow working mom who might need this reminder today. And if you have your own tips for navigating mom guilt, I’d love to hear them—let’s support each other in this journey.